Sign 14

EPOV
"I have to get up," she whispered quietly. "I need to take a shower before I leave."
Stay.
I nodded once in the crook of my neck, but instead of letting her go, I rolled us over so I was on top of her. Kissed her hard, with all I had. Needing her again.
We had barely gotten through the door last night before we were all over each other, and as Bella positioned my cock at her entrance, needing one more time, too, I slid into her with the thoughts of yesterday urging me, spurring me on.
"Right now, Edward, right here," she had moaned, as I sucked hard on her neck.
I moved faster, kissed her harder, moaned as she clung to me.
She shoved down my pants and I ripped off her thong, unable to help myself.
I pressed her up against the wall, sliding my nose against her jaw. "How do you want me, baby?"
"Hard," she whimpered. "Against the wall."
I groaned, rolling us over, needing to see her, and she, fuck, moaned my name as she rode me. Leaning back, she placed her hands on my thighs, letting her head fall back, and goddamnit, she was the most beautiful creature alive. Greedily, my eyes took in every movement. How her breasts bounced slightly. How her chest heaved. How her tight pussy clenched around me. How her wetness coated my cock.
"Fuck, baby," I grunted, meeting her every thrust with one of my own.
I slammed into her without restraints, moaning loudly when her nails dug into my back, even through my shirt, and with her legs wrapped around me, with her heels digging into my ass.
I fucked her hard.
It was anger and love combined. Love for everything she had brought me in such a short time. Love for how perfect she was for me. Love for how wonderful she was with Emma.
Anger because it wouldn't last. Anger because she was leaving. Not just for Thanksgiving, but soon, eventually, she would find an apartment. I fucked her hard because close wasn't close enough. I drove deep because still, I needed more. More of her. Deeper. Closer. I wanted her like she already had me.
"Harder, Edward!" she begged. "Need… all of you!"
You fucking have me, I shouted internally, angrier than before because she was leaving me behind. Leaving to start her own fucking life.
Gripping her hips tighter, I pounded into her, feeling remnants of the anger from last night.
She was close. Moaning and gasping. Tighter around me.
"Fuck," I panted breathlessly.
Sitting up, I crashed my mouth against hers, thrusting my tongue into her mouth as I pushed her down hard on my cock. I would follow. Like always when she climaxed, I couldn't hold off.
"So close, baby," she cried out.
We weren't even kissing anymore. It was mouth on mouth, exchanging breaths as we got closer and closer.
Our eyes closed… or at least mine were.
Stay.
Goddamnit, stay!
"Yes! Oh, Edward!"
I swallowed hard as she came around me, and like I knew, I followed, unable to stop, and I watched her now, watched as she came undone. It was painful to watch her, painful knowing that she wasn't really mine. Not really. And as I emptied myself, deep inside of her, I wondered just how long I had left with her.
We sat there for what should've felt like forever, but it was mere minutes later that our breaths had returned to normal, and with a passionate kiss, our morning in bed was over.
I tried to smile as she excused herself and headed to the bathroom.
Didn't work.
I felt like a needy child, but I couldn't have cared less. Sure, I had never truly been alone. My family had always been there for me. Helped me. Guided me. Comforted me when I had no clue about how to be a single father.
But now, thanks to Bella, I knew that though I was never alone, I was still lonely.
Fuck this.

*O*O*O*

Saying goodbye was awful.
It felt like it was more than for five days. It felt permanent and I hated it. It actually hurt. Physically, it hurt.
The goodbye? A hug and a chaste kiss.
She was the one ending the hug, ending the kiss. Of course.
Not me.
Never me.
I think she knows about my feelings. Not the extent but she knows I want more. I'm sure of it now, because the look she gave me right before she left… it broke me. She looked like she was in pain, and I can only imagine her spending the next five days coming up with ways to let me down easily.

*O*O*O*

*Is it time, Daddy?*
"Not yet, Princess," I chuckled.
It's Thanksgiving and we're all gathered at my parents' house for the family dinner, and Emma has a Skype-date with Bella in an hour. It took time, 'cause I'm not very skilled when it comes to technology but Emmett helped me set it up, and Emma sure reminded me to bring the laptop today. Reminded me more than once.
"I'll come get you when it's time, sweetheart. I promise," I added.
That worked and she took off, most likely to play with Emmett before dinner, and I returned to filling the dishwasher as Mom and Rose prepared the dessert, all while yapping about woman-stuff that I couldn't escape.
So, when the doorbell rang, I sure took the opportunity to haul ass.
As did Dad who had been peeling potatoes.
Yes, opening the door takes two grown men.
I swear.
"Are we expecting anyone?" I asked curiously.
It was always just us for Thanksgiving because our grandparents on Mom's side were dead, and Dad's parents lived in Florida and we didn't see them often.
"Nope," Dad replied as we reached the foyer.
I opened the door, and… huh.
Jasper and Katie.
He looked like shit and Katie's eyes were red from crying.
Fuck.
"Come on in," Dad murmured, obviously noticing the same. "I'll leave you alone." He smiled softly at Kate before retreating to the kitchen.
As I watched Jasper help Katie with her coat and shoes, I think it dawned on me, but… dear God, I hope I'm wrong.
"Want to go play with Emma while I talk to Uncle Edward, honey?" Jasper asked quietly, crouching down at Katie's level.
I continued watching the two. Jasper's slumped shoulders, his expression one of sadness and exhaustion, and Katie's trembling lip, eyes full of unshed tears.
I could kill Tanya.
Literally.
I'm still hoping I'm wrong, though.
*You will be back, Daddy?* Katie asked, her tears falling over then.
Oh, God.
I swallowed hard as Jasper tried to hide his emotions. "Of course, baby. I will always be here. Always. Do you believe me?"
Yes, I could kill her. Kill her dead.
Katie nodded, only once, and then her eyes flickered to me.
"Hey, beautiful," I murmured, smiling gently. "Want me to put on a movie for you and Emma?"
*Yes, please.*
I nodded and motioned for her to come to me, and once she did, I picked her up and kissed her cheek before positioning her on my hip.
"Dad's study, Jazz. There's whiskey," I told him.
He understood.
Emma was of course ecstatic to see Katie, so was Emmett, and after I quickly told him what I knew, he took on the role of entertainer for the two girls as I followed Jazz to Dad's study where we could talk privately.
We both sat down on Dad's leather couch. A bottle of whiskey, too, of course.
My heart broke for Katie as Jasper shook his head, leaned forward on his knees… and defeat took over. "She left. She fucking left her," he whispered.
There it was.
I said nothing as I poured two doubles… or maybe it was triples.
She left. She actually left.
"I can't do this any longer. I'm done with this bullshit. This wasn't what I wanted for myself."
"Heidi, you can't be serious!"
Staring down at the glass, I swirled it around as the bitter memories hit me.
Now Tanya was doing the same, only worse. She didn't leave before Katie could remember her. She left now. When Katie's six years old and is depending on her mother.
"Do you really want this, Edward? Spare me the crap, and be honest."
"You're out of your fucking mind! You're actually asking me if I want my own daughter?"
"She said she was done pretending," Jasper chuckled humorlessly before tipping his glass back.
I followed suit, letting the liquid burn its way down my throat.
I missed Bella. Needed her here with me. Needed more than sex and casual. Much more. So much more.
Two days without her had been painful. Three more days to go. Two and a half, really, because I'm counting.
"I'm not stupid, Edward. I know you put this ring on my finger because of… because of her."
"We both did it for Emma!"
It was wrong from the start. For both me and Heidi. There were never any lasting feelings. Not ones strong enough to pull off a marriage, anyway. But I would've done it for my princess, just like Jasper would if Tanya hadn't started her bitching about 'fixing' Katie like she was a damn object.
With a heavy sigh, I poured Jasper a new drink before I returned to my own.
"She left when Katie was there, Edward." His voice cracked. "I had to explain to my six year old girl that her mom isn't coming back."
Again, I swallowed my emotion. Let my glass go before I crushed it.
No words can describe the disgust I feel towards Tanya and Heidi.
I suppose I'm still in a somewhat good place in my life, though, because I'm grateful that Heidi left so early. Emma will never miss her personally. She doesn't have any memories of that bitch. But Tanya…
How could she? Where's her humanity?
And with Katie right there?
"Did she say anything to her?" I asked quietly, taking my glass again.
The burn was good.
"Yeah," he choked out. After taking a few calming breaths, he continued. "She said that Katie would be happier with only me. Then she left after handing me an envelope."
Envelope.
"I've already signed the papers. All you have to do is sign the dotted line, and she's yours."
"What the hell are you talking about? What papers?"
Heidi threw me a manila envelope that day. Already prepared. It was already planned. She had it all planned.
"Tanya signed everything over to me. She just wanted out. Wanna know something funny? She's already met some rich fucker from the Hamptons."
Another humorless laugh.
More whiskey.
"Fucking hell," I sighed tiredly, closing my eyes as I leaned back on the couch.
"You'll make her happy, Edward. I know you love her."
"You're actually walking out on her. What kind of person does that? You're her mother, Heidi!"
She wasn't, though. She gave birth to her but she was never her mother. Heidi never stopped what she was doing just because her daughter lit up the room. Heidi never trailed off the path she was on. Emma didn't get in the way, because to Heidi, Emma wasn't even there to begin with. She didn't name her. She didn't care that I wanted Emma to be a Cullen. She just left it up to me. I was the one naming her Emma.
"How can you even consider leaving your own child? I just… I don't understand."
"This was never me, Edward, and you know it!"
"I wasn't me either, Heidi, but it changed! How can it not? That little girl in there is everything to me!"
Heidi was a coldhearted bitch, and I told her that.
But Tanya has been a mother. Tanya who may have disagreed with Jasper and acted like a true bitch, too, has still been a mother. Yes, Jazz was always more a father than Tanya was a mother, but she was still there. She smiled for Katie, loved her. I thought at least.
But you can't really love someone if you leave them.
Right?
If you love someone, you stay.
I swallowed the rest of my drink and forced myself to not let my thoughts wander to another one leaving. Not that it's the same. Far from it. Bella's a beautiful person. Inside and out. She'll never leave Emma, because she loves her.
Fuck, I wasn't supposed to think about that now.
I sighed again.
What a wonderful Thanksgiving.
"You're staying here tonight, right?" I asked.
He nodded once. "If it's okay."
"Of course."
We were both quiet again.
I knew Jasper's thoughts were focused solely on Katie right now, but I promised myself right then and there to make sure he thought about himself, too, because I didn't when I was in his shoes. I didn't think about myself at all. I didn't want to. Truth be told, I couldn't. It was too much, because if I did, I would break down. Not because of my feelings for Heidi – obviously – but for Emma, and how to raise her alone. And it took an intervention from Emmett and Rose for me to snap out of my zombie state back then.
I was just so focused on my girl. Always thinking 'if I don't focus on her, then who will?'
"She's not normal! She's… she's… she's deformed!"
"Get the fuck out, Heidi."
I flinched.
That was the last of Heidi.
And thanks to my family, we pulled through. I went to a therapist a few times to talk things out, just… to get it all out. And then we grew stronger. We studied ASL together as a family, we stayed close, making sure that Emma always had more than one person around her… and my family of course made sure I didn't close myself in, for which I'm thankful for today. Because I know today, that I couldn't have done it alone. I couldn't have done it without my sister's annoying love for being girly with Emma, and not without her every-once-in-a-while moments where she and I talked like friends and not brother and sister. Not without Emmett's childish behavior and his love for his Spider Monkey, and not without his support. He's always been there for me, and he's obviously not always childish, but his first priority has always been Emma, and that's just the way I love it. That's how it's supposed to be.
Same goes for my parents. I couldn't have done it without them. They've been supportive all the way, both as grandparents to Emma, and parents to me.
And now…
Now Jasper has to go through the same. But with a six year old.
A few more minutes passed, and then Jasper said that he'd like to be alone for a while, and I knew all too well what he would do now. So, before I headed towards the girls, I watched Jasper as he headed for one of the guestrooms.
He would break down.
Just like I did once, when my shock had worn off.
Sighing and rubbing my face, I took a few breaths before making the turn for the living room.
They were all there.
"How is he?" Mom asked, nothing but concern in her voice.
Rose and Emmett were on the couch, and I was a bit relieved when I saw Katie asleep in Rose's arms. Hopefully she would be out for a while, so Jazz could get his shit out in private.
"As expected," I sighed, checking my watch.
"Katie didn't say much but…" Emmett trailed off.
I knew what he wondered about, though, and I nodded as I walked over to the couch where Emma had her eyes glued to the screen.
Ice Age, you know.
"Yeah, Tanya walked out," I confirmed, and I had to smile just a little as my sister let out an impressive line of profanities under her breath. Mom did the same.
*Hi, Daddy.* Emma smiled crookedly, and it was the same but it was different. Now with the whole Jasper-mess I felt the need to see for myself that Emma was happy.I knew she was of course, but still… with all the old memories resurfacing from when Heidi left Emma, I needed more. Confirmation, if you will. And thankfully, I know what will make her smile wider now.
"Hey, Princess. Ready for Bella?" I asked, winking at her.
*Yes!*
I was right, and it felt like my entire body thawed when I heard her giggle and saw her furious nodding in excitement.
"Alright," I chuckled. "I'm just going to call her and make sure everything is ready, okay?"
*Okay, but what is the sign, Daddy?*
"For what, baby?" I asked.
*For talking on the computer,* she replied, giving me the God-you're-so-dumb look.
She did not get that look from me. That's all Rose.
"You mean Skype," I laughed softly, a bit amused by her sass.
As long as it didn't go too far, I added mentally.
I don't want a Rose, because God knows I remember her growing up.
My cell phone rang then, and I excused myself to get it when I saw that it was Bella.
"I'll set up the laptop, bro!" Emmett called after me.
"Thanks!" I replied, halfway to the kitchen.
Ignoring the feelings stirring, I brought the phone to my ear.
"Hey, beautiful."
Silence.
"Bella?"
Then I heard sniffling.
"Edward?"
Her voice was… fuck, she's crying.
Now what!
How much can go wrong in one day?
"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked, trying not to panic as sat down at the table in the kitchen.
She just cried then.
It killed me.
I didn't know. I didn't know what was wrong. I didn't know how to fix it. I didn't know anything.
And this day sucked.
"Baby, please, what's wrong?" I tried again, pulling at my hair in frustration.
This is just… too much. Too much for one day.
"I just… my Skype won't work, Edward," she sobbed, and I think I stopped breathing for a while. "I tried, but… Even drove to Port Angeles… for better reception… but no connection…"
Didn't really know how to react here.
A part of me wanted to breathe out in relief, and I think I did, because it wasn't worse than Skype, but… it still hurt me to hear her cry, and I was so over this. So fucking over feeling like shit wasn't enough. Too much shit everywhere.
"I'm sorry," she whispered brokenly then.
Fuck that.
"Don't fucking apologize, baby," I said, firmly but still a bit pleadingly. "Don't worry about it. Seriously. Don't…" cry. Please, just don't cry.
Ever heard of Murphy's Law?
"But I… I just… miss her…"
Oh.
Fuck!
That's… that's why she's crying? Because she misses my daughter?
For once in my life, I truly wished I was a kid again. Just so that I could, I don't know… maybe just cry. Or whatever.
"She misses you, too, beautiful." We both do… and I really fucking need you. "Two more days and you'll see her."
Considered banging my head against the wall, but, maybe that would be a bit too much. Maybe. I'm not ruling it out quite just yet.
"Yeah… okay…"
Still crying.
I racked my brain for something, something that would make her feel better, but I came up with shit, and it pissed me the fuck off, because I needed for her to feel better. To feel good.
"Is… is anything else wrong?" I asked carefully. I mean, was it really this hard for her to be away from Emma?
"No… I'm just… homesick, I guess… and I really miss her."
Closing my eyes, I sighed and dragged a hand over my face, thinking about what she just said. She misses Emma so much it has her in tears. She's homesick. Is that New York? Or her… temporary home. The home I wished she shared with me and Emma. Forever.
"We'll pick you up," I said then, out of the blue, but I found myself loving the idea. "At the airport. Emma and I will be there to pick you and Alice up, okay?"
Come home.
"Yeah?" she asked, sniffling.
"Absolutely," I replied, nodding even though she couldn't see me. "And once we've dropped Alice off, we'll take Emma to the park… or something."
"Thank you," she whispered, and I breathed out in relief as her crying seemed to calm down some.
I was confused, though.
"Why are you thanking me?"
And at this, she actually chuckled. It was a beautiful sound despite the sniffling. I wanted to hear more chuckling. No, what I really wanted to hear was her giggling. The way she did with Emma. That was one of my favorite sounds. Those two, giggling together. Emma and Bella.
"Because you made me feel better, of course."
Another chuckle.
Thank you.
"I aim to please," I said, grinning when it seemed to lighten the mood, and fuck me if she didn't giggle once.
"Seriously, Edward," she murmured after a few seconds of silence. "Thank you. I'm sure you didn't plan on spending this time consoling me."
"Not a problem, beautiful, really," I murmured back, wishing I could tell her how much I missed her. "I'm… here for you."
I allowed myself to say at least that.
"Well, I wish I could be there for you when you tell Emma about our Skype-date. I mean, it shouldn't be you," she mumbled then, and I hurried to reassure her before her sadness came back.
"Don't worry about it, baby. I'll tell her about our plans for the day you come home. That will brighten her up, I promise."
And I knew it would.
Emma would be ecstatic.
Bella and I ended the call a few minutes later, and for a while, I just sat there… missing her like the pathetic man I've become.
No. Fuck that. I'm not pathetic.
Just happened to fall in love with the one woman that…dammit. Time for the pity-party to end.
Thanksgiving dinner was next. Was I up for that?
Not really, no.
But what-the-fuck-ever.
As I got up from my seat, it sounded like someone was there, in the doorway, but I dismissed it as I saw nothing.