Sign 21

EPOV
December 25th – 2010
It's Christmas.
The past couple of days have gone by so fucking fast that my head is still spinning, and I just woke up. One might think I'd feel rested, but… no. Not at all. I'm wired, nervous, and elated, but it's not just by the proposal anymore. It's also because I talked to Emma yesterday.
I had picked up the ring after having it engraved, and I wanted to show it to Emma – show it and tell her about my plans and what they meant. But the conversation took a new spin when Emma told me about a conversation she'd already had with Bella.
Flashback
*Hi, Daddy! Do you want to play with me?*
I smiled at her exuberance and walked over to where she was having a tea party with her dolls, and sat down. On the floor, not in one of those plastic chairs, 'cause Emmett's already busted two of them. True story.
"Of course, Princess. But I need to talk to you first, okay?" I said, thinking about the ring box in my pocket.
*Okay.*
I had already prepared my speech, so after a deep breath, I started.
"You know that Nana and Grampa are married, and that they wear rings?" I said, hoping to God she understands enough for me to continue on.
*Yes, Nana's ring is very pretty.*
Right. Of course that's what she picked up on. The ring. 'Cause it sparkles, I'm sure.
I noticed that she didn't understand the married-part, though, because the sign was new to her, which I knew it would be.
"Yes, it is," I chuckled, rubbing the back of my neck. "But do you know what marriage is?" I asked, finger-spelling 'marriage.'
She shook her head no, and I took another deep breath before showing her the sign for marriage. She tried the sign out for herself like always, and then gave me the 'okay.'
Here we go.
"When boyfriends and girlfriends love each other, sometimes they want to get married," I said, starting off easy. "That means they will promise to love each other forever. And they give each other a ring."
She nodded slowly, at least catching the gist of it.
For a second I wished she could remember when Rose and Emmett got married, but she was way too young for that.
"Well, I know I will love Bella forever," I continued, and this made her smile widely. Me, too. "And I want to promise Bella that I will love her forever."
*Okay,* she replied, smiling wider and probably eager to know where this was going because if I know my daughter, which I do, I know that her mind is on the mentioned ring.
"When you get married, you become husband and wife," I explained. "And-"
*Like Ariel and Prince Eric!* she said then, understanding fully now, and I breathed out in relief, thanking Disney for all they do.
Fathers all over the world should include Disney when they give thanks at Thanksgiving.
I'll make sure to do that next year.
"Exactly, Princess." I grinned, even nodding for emphasis. "You understand now?"
*Yes.* She nodded, smiling widely. *Bella is Ariel and you are Prince Eric.*
Err, sure. Close enough.
"I want to marry Bella, and I have a ring for her," I said, laying it all out there. "And if she says yes, we will get married and be husband and wife."
*Okay, Daddy. Can I see the ring?*
Christ.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Not at her, though, but at myself, because I came in here, wanting to check with her, to make sure she was okay with all of this, but even if she doesn't understand everything, it's quite clear that Emma won't have any problems with this.
So, I showed her the ring.
*So pretty, Daddy!* she signed, her wide eyes fixed on the ring, but I kept my eyes on my gorgeous girl, because… Jesus, she's cute.
*When will you give it to Bella?*
"Tomorrow. But she have to say yes first. I will ask her, and she will answer."
*It is very pretty. She will say yes, Daddy,* she told me, giving me the duh-look.
Another look from Rose.
"Okay, baby," I chuckled. "But do you understand what all this mean? If she says yes, Bella and I will get married."
*I understand,* she said, rolling her eyes at me. *You will love forever. I already knew that. Bella told me.*
Umph, she did what now?
*What do you mean, Princess?* I asked, forcing myself to look calm.
I was anything but calm.
All I wanted now was for my girl to spill the fucking beans.
*Bella said she will always love me and you,* she replied simply.
"When did she say that?" I asked, feeling myself smile at the thought of Bella telling her that.
*When you started kissing and hugging Bella a lot.*
In other words; when Bella and I became official. Of course.
"Alright," I laughed softly. "So, Bella said that to you then? Do you know why she said it?"
Yeah, I'm a bit curious.
Fucking sue me.
*Because I asked if she was my mommy.* She shrugged.
I choked.
And stopped breathing. For a while.
She… oh, fuck, she asked Bella that?
A part of me was devastated. A part was happy. A part was sad. A part was anxious to know more, but no matter what, I needed to make sure Emma was okay. In every situation.
"And what did Bella say when you asked that, baby?" I asked, smiling carefully.
Emma grinned then, so I instantly breathed out in relief. I knew Bella would never hurt Emma, and I knew how she loved Emma above all, but the fact remains; Emma is not calling Bella Mommy now, so the answer to Emma's question… well, I gotta have it.
*She said I was everything to her, but I have to ask you.*
Huh.
Bella said that, eh?
Wow.
I'm surprised I didn't get down on one knee the second she agreed to be my girlfriend.
But…
"Why didn't you talk to me, Princess?" I asked gently. "Is this something you want?"
Emma nodded but looked down, and then my heart broke as she started crying.
Fuck!
I held her in my arms for what felt like an eternity, and I hated this. I hated that she would ever have something like this to cry for, that she would hold anything of this magnitude bottled up.
She's only five years for fuck's sake. She shouldn't have to worry about parents… and who they are. Her parents should just be there. They are supposed to be constant. But I can't bring myself to curse Heidi, because… what Emma has now… with Bella, that's so much more. Much more than what Heidi could ever give her.
Once Emma had calmed down a bit, I wiped away her tears, kissed her all over her gorgeous little face, and relaxed a little as she gave me a small smile. It wasn't enough, though. A small smile will never be enough.
I had a feeling why Emma hadn't talked to me about this earlier, and that's simple. I don't think Emma could handle rejection, either from me or from Bella. So, she kept quiet. Another thing that's unacceptable. Children should always be able to talk to their parents.
"Tell me, baby," I urged gently. "You can always talk to Daddy. You know that, right?"
She nodded again and looked down as she stayed in my lap, but sometimes I could read my girl well, and I knew she was thinking. I knew she was thinking about what she wanted to talk to me about, so I gave her time. Just held her, kissed her, and played with her hair, which made her hum adorably.
*When you give her the ring, will she be my mommy?* she asked, and I swallowed hard as I saw the hope in her eyes.
This was what she wanted. She wanted… that.
Christ, I want it, too. But… I don't know if Bella's anywhere near ready for that label, no matter how much she's already playing the part.
I will however never make assumptions again, so I will simply suck it up and talk to her. Bella, that is.
"I will talk to Bella about it, okay? I promise."
End Flashback
Yeah.
Safe to say, the proposal isn't the only thing I'm nervous about.
Glancing over at the nightstand, I saw that it was almost seven AM, and though that may be early as hell, I know that Emma will wake up soon. It's Christmas after all, and she's very, very, very aware of the mountain of presents under the Christmas tree in the living room.
Which means… it's time.
I have thought about this moment thousands of times of course, but in the end, I chose simplicity. I chose what Bella and I both are, and neither of us is into grand gestures. And most of all, we both love our home, and that settled it. I'm proposing right here, right now, in our home. Our bed.
With the ring in my hand, I snuggled closer to Bella, spooning her, and started peppering her with soft kisses. On her shoulder, her arm, her neck, and it didn't take long before she started squirming.
I smiled then, into every kiss, loving the soft sighs she made right before she woke up. The way she would stretch and scoot closer to me, the way she scrunched her nose if I kissed it, because what I had learned over the past months was that Bella was extra ticklish in the mornings.
"Merry Christmas, Bella," I whispered as my nose slid along her jaw.
Slowly, a smile formed on her lips, and I continued kissing her skin, letting my hand move under the silky chemise she wore. I cursed it a bit, of course, but I'm a man. I love it when we sleep naked, but yesterday we knew that we couldn't lock the door to our room in case Emma wanted to come in at the crack of dawn. So, Bella's wearing red pajama shorts, 'cause it's Christmas, and a matching chemise.
"Merry Christmas, piano man," she mumbled as she started dragging her fingers through my hair, and that's just… mmm… distracting…
Focus, Cullen, for the love of God!
Right.
I cleared my throat, feeling myself shiver as the nerves hit harder than before. Goddamn assault of nervousness for fuck's sake.
She'll say yes, right?
Jesus, here we go.
Deep breath.
"I have a question for you," I whispered, moving myself to be on top of her.
So, she can't escape, Cullen?
Shut. Up.
"Oh yeah?" she asked, sighing contentedly as I pressed my body against hers. "And what would that be?"
As I kissed the spot below her ear, I inhaled deeply, letting her apple and cinnamon scent wash over me, and then…
"Will you be my wife?"
She froze, unsurprisingly, and I forced myself to keep kissing her, softly, gently, on her neck… her shoulder…
Please.
"W-what?" she breathed out.
After one more kiss on her shoulder, I faced her, was met by wide eyes, swimming with tears.
"I'm asking you to marry me, Bella Swan," I murmured, pressing my forehead against hers. "I'm asking you to be mine forever… I'm asking you to be my wife, and I'm promising you I will love you forever… I'm promising I'm yours forever."
With a hand less steady than I'd like to admit, I brought out the ring.
Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.
"Oh, Edward," she choked out as the first set of tears spilled over.
Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.
Holy shit, how long will I have to wait?
She's killing me with the suspense. Should I tell her that? Should I tell her that I'm close to shitting myself? Okay, not really, but shit!
"Please say something," I pleaded quietly.
Her eyes snapped back to me then after watching the ring, and finally I got a reaction.
"Oh, God!" she gasped, not answering me, though.
Please say yes! Please say yes! Please say yes!
But then she did. "Of course! Yes, Edward!"
Did you hear that?
"Again," I demanded as my own damn eyes welled up.
"Yes, I'll marry you," she spoke through her tears.
She said yes.
Oh, I kissed the living shit out of her.
"Oh, God, Edward. You want to marry me?" she mumbled as I attacked her with kisses. I couldn't help it, though. The woman had just agreed to marry me.
"With all my heart," I groaned as she arched into me. "Fuck, I need you, sweetheart."
The ring, Cullen… Get it on her fucking finger first!
Right.
Shit.
"Yes," she whimpered, already skimming her shorts off… and then my pajama bottoms… down… gone.
Now, Cullen!
"Wait, baby," I gasped, squeezing my eyes shut to get some fucking clarity, but it was goddamn hard – pardon the pun – when she positioned me… oh, God. "Shit… baby, wait…"
"But I need you, Edward," she whimpered. "So much."
FUCK!
"The ring," I gritted out, shivering as my cock pressed against her very wet pussy.
Dude, gather your fucking wits, will ya?
Right.
Deep breath. I opened my eyes.
"My fiancée should wear her ring, don't you think?" I asked, dipping down to kiss her softly, thinking how fucking good that word sounded. Fiancée. Shit, we're getting married.
"It's… Oh, Edward, it's so beautiful," she breathed, holding out her hand for me, and I smiled, and she smiled. We both smiled widely. And I slid the ring onto her ring finger.
We both stared at it. Her finger. My ring. On her finger. We're engaged. To be married.
"It is," I agreed quietly. "But it has nothing on you," I added as my eyes found hers. "I love you, baby. So much."
Then she gave me that smile. The smile that made me wanna tell her that I was the one winning the lottery, not her.
"I love you, too, Edward," she whispered.
No, that will never get old.
I kissed her. Slowly, lovingly, the way I was supposed to kiss her. My fiancée. No frenzy. Just taking our time. Savoring, tasting, loving.
And equally slowly, I pushed into her, never breaking our kiss. Never would I get enough of my Bella. Never would I tire of feeling her, of seeing her, of hearing her… never.
"We're getting married, baby," I breathed, unable to keep the words bottled up.
"We're getting married," she echoed, moaning quietly as I moved inside of her. Deeper. A bit faster. With passion.
I lavished her with kisses as my thumb circled her clit, and we played each other the way only we could. She kissed my sternum, making me shiver. She clung to me, making me growl and speed up as the pleasure built. I teased her clit, making her moan my name. I nibbled on her bottom lip, eliciting desperate whimpers from her.
No, I will never have enough.
"Always, sweetheart," I moaned, thrusting harder, deeper. "I will always need you."
"Yes, Edward," she whimpered. "I… ungh… you, too."
I smiled against the spot below her ear, loving that I had the same affect on her that she had on me.
"Fuck," I grunted then, feeling her tight pussy constrict around me.
More.
Harder.
Deeper. Yes, that spot.
Oh, God.
"Fuck, Edward," she moaned, meeting my every thrust. "So… so… oh, close!"
Gripping her hips, I sat up, and then I slammed into her.
Shit!
"Oh, yes!"
"Come, baby girl," I grunted. "Need you to come on me." I looked down at where we were joined, groaned loudly. So fucking hot. "Look at us, baby. Fucking look…"
Propping herself up on her elbows, she watched us, we both watched us. The way I rammed my cock into her, the way her wetness coated me, the way she constricted, the way I throbbed…
Tensing.
Hitting that spot of hers. Over and over.
She screamed.
"Edwaaard!"
Yes.
I let go.
One last time, I pounded into her sweet pussy, and then I came hard. Harder than ever before. Deep inside of her. Feeling everything. My own orgasm. Bella's orgasm… the way she milked me…
Goddamn black spots for fuck's sake.
"Fucking hell," I panted.
Yeah, I collapsed on her. Her. Bella. My fiancée. Future wife.
I didn't quite catch that, Cullen.
FUTURE WIFE!
Gotcha.
"Mmm, amazing," she hummed, dragging her nails across my back, and fuck, I shivered violently, 'cause that shit is golden.
"Hmmmphyeah." I shuddered, feeling goose bumps all over my body.
That earned me a giggle from… you know, my fiancée.
It made me grin.
"My fiancée," I whispered, kissing her shoulder once before rolling off of her, 'cause I want my future wife breathing… and not, you know, crushed from my bodyweight. Her future husband.
God, I'm giddy.
And a bit obnoxious, man.
Whatever.
Okay, I didn't roll off her completely 'cause I'm totally using one of her boobs as a pillow right now.
Boobs? Really, Cullen?
Eh, better than boobies.
"Are you eye-fucking your ring, baby?" I chuckled, watching Bella's hand and how she held it up like she's checking it out.
"Absolutely," she replied, and I could practically hear her grin. "It's out of this world, Edward. So beautiful."
I just smiled in satisfaction and kissed her boob. Her tit. Breast. Boobie.
God, I'm insane.
And then I think I purred because mmm… her fingers in my hair. Mmmmm indeed.
"What do you think Emma will say?" she asked then, quietly.
"I already told her," I murmured, kissing her boob again. "She's happy as hell to have you with us forever," I added, knowing that it was time to broach that subject. It may be early in our relationship but I owe it to Emma… and myself.
It's always easy to look back and see where you did good, and where you did wrong, and though I will never say having Bella move in with us is bad, I know now however, that it has affected Emma in a way I never considered. Because to Emma, Bella's been filling the mommy-role for more than the few weeks we've been an official couple. Even to me, Bella's been her mother for much longer, and it started way back in August… or September when she moved in. So, it's not just a few weeks. It's months. Months of having her with us every single day.
Maybe still a short time to many, but… whatever.
It's time.
"She told me, you know," I murmured quietly. "Yesterday when I told Emma about proposing to you… she told me about the question she asked you a few weeks ago."
Bella tensed for a second, stilling her fingers in my hair… so, I knew she understood. Then she started again, and hopefully she'll want to have this conversation, too. I mean, I will never expect anything from her, and I will never push her into something she's not ready for, but we do need to talk about it. Even if it's just to say that she's not ready yet. I still need to hear it. I still need to give Emma an answer. And myself.
"Um, I didn't want to assume anything," she mumbled.
I felt her swallow hard, perhaps in nervousness, and I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable so I tightened my arm around her… kissed her again.
Her boob, Cullen?
Whatever.
"I told her it's up to you," she finished softly.
I needed to see her face for this, so I backed away slightly, propped myself up on my elbow, but kept my arm around her. "It's not just up to me, sweetheart," I whispered, pressing my lips against her temple before continuing. "It's very much up to you, too. It's a lifetime commitment, and though I know you would never take this lightly, I want you to know that you have all the time in the world to think this over."
"You know what Emma wants, though, right?" I asked.
She nodded and bit down on her lip, and I tried and tried to read her, but I just couldn't. Her eyes were big and welled up with emotion, but I didn't know whether it was good or bad.
I could practically hear my own heart pound.
"I will always be yours," I added, frowning as her tears spilled over. "And you're perfect for Emma… and perfect for me." I needed to emphasize on that, needed to make it clear to her. "Truth be told, Bella. You're in a way…" I swallowed hard. "Already her mother."
Christ.
First time I've said it out loud.
"But I will never pressure you into anything," I told her. "Just know that no matter what, you'll have me. Your decision won't affect our relationship."
It was nothing but the truth. If Bella doesn't want that label, to be Emma's mother, I know it won't change anything about us. That doesn't take away my wish, of course, but as long as Bella continues to be her perfect self with Emma, I know things will be amazing, because the fact is that Emma and I have never been happier than we are now, and that's all Bella.
"But uh… what do you want?" she asked.
I frowned. Didn't like the way she asked because it sounded almost as if she was afraid of the answer. But I needed to be honest.
"Isn't that obvious?" I responded quietly, smiling wistfully. "When I proposed, baby…" I trailed off, shaking my head to find the right words. Then I found them. "When I proposed, I offered all of myself to you, and Emma's part of that. She will always be a part of me, and I would never make a big decision like this without taking her into consideration. So… what do I want? I want us to be a family—labels included. But like I said, my feelings for you won't change if-"
She cut me off. You know, finger on my lips.
"That label, Edward, as you so eloquently put it…" She trailed off this time… looked down… before looking up again. And I saw determination. "I've wanted that label for a long time. Falling in love with Emma was the most effortless thing I've done, and… it happened fast. I'm very aware of the role I've played, but I have loved every minute of it."
Yeah. Emotions. All over. My eyes are… Shit, blurry vision. So, I'm closing my eyes. Tightly. Swallowing hard, feeling my body clench and unclench.
You better check for a vagina later, man.
No way. A real man can fucking cry.
All these years of being a single father. Of being the only one to put my little girl first…
"My reason for not bringing it up was because I didn't think you were ready," she whispered, and I felt her fingers on my cheeks. To wipe away the traitorous… moisture. "Can you believe it? I made an assumption," she added, chuckling a little, perhaps to lighten the tension.
Years of tension left my body as I buried my face in the crook of her neck. Tension I didn't even know was there. But it was, and I felt it leave me.
It felt so good. Felt so good to know that I wasn't alone. Felt so good to know that I would have someone to share my everything with. To make decisions together. To share… yeah, just everything. Stories, laughter, memories… together.
"You're right," I heard her say then, and I listened, but I kept my face buried – where she smelled all Bella. Just loving… well, everything right now. Her fingers in my hair. Her words. Her body. Her scent. God, her heart. "I don't take any of this lightly, but I want you to know that I am ready. Not just for what I've been so far, but for… everything."
Words cannot describe the love I feel for Bella Swan.
I mean… what can I say?
You're awesome?
Thank you?
I love you?
You're the best?
All that… nah, that's lame. Inadequate. Not enough.
"You and Emma are my life," I heard myself murmur, and that was somewhat okay. Not quite there, but okay.
"And you and Emma are my life, Edward," she replied, and it felt more than okay. Overwhelming.
We both heard the opening and the closing of a door then, and I couldn't help but to smile. So widely. My princess was awake. Most likely very eager for Christmas.