Sign 18

EPOV
"Where are we going?" Bella asked… again.
She was fidgeting with her seatbelt, apparently unable to sit still when it came to surprises.
"I'm not telling," I replied… again.
I knew she was confused seeing as I told her to dress casual – jeans and a sweater – but she didn't know how I dated. Well, to be honest, I barely knew myself, but for some weird reason, Bella brought it out of me.
In the past I've always gone for the standard dinners, but it was always what I assumed women wanted. That's not what I want with Bella. With her, I want to be myself as much as I want her to be herself, and we're not restaurant-people. I know that.
I'm not sure I'm making sense here, but what-the-fuck-ever.
"Here we are," I murmured, killing the engine.
I rarely drive in the city, but going to the grocery store is one of the very few exceptions.
"You're taking me on a date here?" Bella replied, eyeing me like I had grown a Bratz-head.
I winked at her before leaving the car, not responding until I opened the door on her side. "You saying there's something wrong with this grocery store?" I teased, holding my hand out for her.
She took it. I didn't let it go. I even threaded our fingers together, and this was monumental for me. Holding hands. Shit, it might sound lame, but… Not to me. Apart from going to the premiere with Bella, I've never held her hand, and this… yes, this was big for me. Felt right. So right.
"Don't worry. This is just the first part," I told her as we headed for the entrance. "I'd like to call this a-trip-down-memory-lane," I added with a wink.
She was confused as hell, but her eyes shone with curiosity and happiness, and that was enough for me. As long as she was smiling, and her eyes were happy, things were good.
After taking a basket, I led the way to the ice cream – the spot I met Bella for the first time.
"Remember this?" I asked her quietly as we stopped in front of one of the freezers, squeezing her hand slightly just to… I don't know, remind myself that she was there perhaps?
"Yes," she whispered, looking up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers. "It's where we first met."
I nodded once, forcing myself to not attack her, and then I went for the Ben & Jerry's as I continued. "Tonight will be about me being honest." I grabbed the Phish Food for me and then Cherry Garcia for Bella, knowing that it was her favorite. "Now… I'm a man, Ms. Swan." I smiled sheepishly, leaning against the freezer. "My first thought about you…" Yeah, I trailed off.
"Oh, do tell, Mr. Cullen." She grinned, understanding that I didn't exactly think about her eyes the first time I saw her.
Fuck, she's beautiful.
Time to fess up.
I cleared my throat and put the tubs of ice cream in the basket, blurting my shit out without looking her in the eye. "My first thought about you… yeah, it was definitely about your ass."
Her beautiful laughter made me look up, though, and I couldn't do anything but to smile back at her. "Well, I'm glad you're being honest, Edward. Truly."
"Good," I chuckled. "And I do believe the word 'spectacular' was on my mind," I added, eager to see her…
…Yep, her blush. There is was.
Gorgeous.
"Spectacular, huh?" she giggled, blushing. "And now you want me to give you honesty in return?" she teased.
Truth be told, it hadn't crossed my mind, because this was about me giving myself to her. This was about me showing her that I was hers, that I was willing to give her all of me without expecting anything in return, because that was the truth.
"I'm intrigued, I'll admit to that," I admitted. "But no. This is date is about you getting to know me. I don't want you to feel obligated to give anything in return."
Her smile faltered a bit, and I knew she realized now that I took everything seriously. I was serious about this, and she might have thought I came off as cocky earlier – back home in our kitchen where I was confident and happy – but I wasn't. Cocky, that is. I'm determined to give her my all, but I have no fucking idea what her answer will be in a week. But I won't allow myself to think about that. Not now.
Bella spoke then, softly. "My first thought about you was that I thought you were dangerously handsome. And… sexy."
I shivered.
Not from the freezer.
Was this her way of telling me that she wasn't ruling me out? That she was willing to share, too?
Sexy, huh?
"The second thing I noticed was how beautiful and stunning you are," I murmured, walking back to where she stood. "I remember how beautiful your laugh was when you signed with Emma… and I remember how happy you made her when you included her." Standing right in front of her, I dipped down and kissed her forehead. "And I remember thinking you had the most gorgeous face I've ever seen."
"Edward," she breathed, looking up at me with a look that almost made me emotional.
Swallowing hard, I backed away slightly, stopping myself from kissing her properly. It was what I wanted and craved, but I had promised myself to not initiate anything like that. That was all on Bella. It was her choice.
"Let's go before I give into temptation," I sighed, giving her my crooked smile. "'Cause you're quite the sin, you know."
Her gorgeous smile was back, and with our fingers entwined, we headed for the register.
Once I had paid for the ice cream, we left the grocery store, and Bella was curious again as I started the car, but I told her nothing.
Until I parked the car in the garage at home.
"I thought we could walk from here," I said, taking the ice cream with us.
Next up was the Central Park, but since we lived right next to it, it would be stupid to even try to find a parking spot there.
"And where are we going?" she asked, smiling innocently, trying to get answers of course.
"You're cute, sweetheart. I'll give you that," I laughed softly, leading the way to the elevator. "But I'm not telling. However, there is one thing we could talk about to pass time."
"And what's that?" she asked, pressing the button for 'ground level.'
I eyed her curiously, 'cause… she was sorta blushing.
"What's with the blush?" I asked.
She blushed harder.
If Santa was real, I'd wish for the power of reading minds.
"Um… it's just… um, you call me sweetheart," she mumbled, looking down.
Oh.
Shit.
"Does it bother you-"
"No!" she assured, finally looking up. "S'just, feels weird, ya know? I mean, weird in a good way, but… yeah… Not used to it."
"I love you."
It was the only thing I could think of. It was the only thing I felt. Love. So much that it felt like I'd explode if I didn't tell her. So, I did. And she blushed harder than before. Buried her face in my chest and hugged me tightly.
No one could stop the big ass smile on my face.
"Come on, beautiful," I murmured in her hair. "We still have the rest of the date."
I lead her out of the elevator.
"Good evening, Ms. Swan, Mr. Cullen," Eleazar greeted from the front desk.
"Evening, Eleazar." I grinned. "When are you done with the Mr. Cullen-bullshit, eh?"
"Perhaps tomorrow," he chuckled.
An answer I've heard before.
"Right," I snickered. "Have a good one," I added as we reached the doors… that Marcus opened.
God forbid if I opened the door myself for once.
"Have a good evening, Mr. Cullen. You too, Ms. Swan," Marcus said, smiling as always.
Bella and I rolled our eyes at him.
Both of us had told them to call us Edward and Bella, but they never listened.
"I'm really curious, Edward," Bella… well, she kinda whined.
It was cute as hell, but I forgot all bout it when she took my hand this time. Yes, I was giddy as hell.
"We're going to Starbucks," I chuckled.
It was true, though it was only a stop on the way. But seriously, we would need something warm if we were going to eat ice cream in the middle of December in Central Park.
"I'm just gonna shut up, 'cause you're confusing as hell," she huffed.
I snickered at her but said nothing, and that's how we walked. In silence. All the way to Starbucks. And we bought coffees and hot chocolates before leaving, and then again, we walked in comfortable silence. Until we reached the park.
I hadn't really thought of it, but man, it was pitch black. Good thing the playground was partly lit up.
"You're taking me to the park?" she asked, smiling, probably understanding the theme of the date now.
"Yep."
A few minutes later, we both sat down on the bench that Jazz and I usually occupied when we were here, and I brought out the ice cream and the hot beverages, glad that we weren't going to stay here for long, because shit, it was freezing.
"Ice cream in December," she giggled, taking the plastic spoon I handed her. "Good thing we're bundled up."
To say the least. And goddamn, Bella in her knitted beanie is still adorable as hell.
"I assume you want to know why we're here." I smiled.
She nodded once as she huddled closer to me and who the fuck was I to complain?
"This is – as you know – where Jazz and I take Emma and Katie every Saturday," I sighed contentedly, looking out at the dark playground. "But while the girls are playing… this is also my gossip-hour with Jazz," I chuckled, shaking my head as Bella laughed. "And you may have been the topic… more than once."
"Oh?" She smirked. Devil woman.
Sexy devil woman.
"Mmhmm." I nodded, taking a sip of my coffee. "And I remember one time in particular. It was the day after you and I had discussed our favorites when it came to foods, drinks, and stuff like that, and I complained to Jazz that I no longer could stand the smell of Cherry Garcia." Bella chuckled incredulously, obviously not understanding what the hell I was talking about, so I continued. "You remember the day, though? When we talked about favorites?"
She nodded.
"Well, do you remember what happened that night?" I asked.
She didn't remember.
I sure do.
It was a normal day. Before anything had happened between us, and since I had found out about a few of her favorites, I had bought ice cream and Italian food with me home, just because I wanted it. Just because I loved knowing things about her. It made me feel closer to her.
"We had a movie night after Emma went to bed," I reminded her, and this she remembered. "You ate your Cherry Garcia." I grinned. "And you spilled some on your leg… and then you used your fingers to wipe it off…" I trailed off, feeling my body react to the memory. "Christ, baby, you licked off your fucking fingers in front of me," I laughed. "Do you have any idea what that did to me?"
Bella laughed. Hard. So hard that it brought tears to her eyes. And I savored it, enjoyed it, wished I could replay it over and over, because fuck, her laugh is… fuel to my well-being. Not kidding.
"So yeah… I complained about that to Jazz," I chuckled. "Told him it… you know, did things to me."
And it still does.
Seriously.
"Let me get this straight, Edward," she laughed, holding the tub of ice cream up to me, and I groaned as the scent hit me. "Oh, my God! You're serious! You actually react to this? Just because I licked it off my fingers?"
"Not kidding," I huffed, adjusting myself in my jeans. "It's like Pavlov's dogs, I swear. Now get that out of my face before I attack you."
The devil woman smirked, to which I cocked an eyebrow.
"Okay, okay," she conceded in a laugh. "So what did Jasper say?"
"He called ma a pathetic jackass," I confessed. "But that's not the point."
She smiled. "Then what's the point, Mr. Cullen?"
It was hard but I managed to resist the urge to kiss her.
Barely.
"The point is that this is the kind of stuff I talked with Jasper about… before I fell in love with you," I murmured.
All traces of humor were gone, and she looked up at me with wide eyes, and her mouth shaped in an 'o.'
I smiled and pressed my lips against the top of her head before I continued. "I've known from start that there was something different about you, and I remember feeling stuff very early, but… I just didn't admit to it," I sighed, resting my cheek on the top of her head as she snuggled closer. "I remember watching you and Emma as you gave each other sign-names, and… Christ, it was overwhelming to watch…"
Fuck, how could I have been so blind?
I felt for her for so long before I was able to admit it. Even to myself.
"I didn't know you were there," Bella murmured quietly.
I chuckled silently once. "No, you couldn't have known." Then I sighed. Again. Because I do that a lot. "I don't really drink that much coffee, you know. It was my only excuse to escape my music-room so that I could watch you two."
"Some days I barely got any work done," I added, smiling against her hair as I felt her shoulders shake with silent laughter, and then of course there was the sound of her giggling, too. Will I ever be able to hear that sound without smiling? I doubt it.
"So…" I sighed, getting back to my point. "Once I realized and admitted to my feelings, I would talk to Jazz about it… And then it was about how I wanted to date you… how I wanted to be close all the fucking time. How I wished that you weren't with me and Emma temporarily… but forever."
We were quiet for a while after that, and I could see the thoughtful expression taking over her face. I knew she had a lot on her mind, and the last thing I was going to do was to pressure her. Instead we kind of fell into a comfortable silence.
Safe to say; we enjoyed the hot beverages more than the ice cream, but still, neither of us made a move to leave. In fact, Bella moved closer and closer until I had her on my lap, and then we just sat there.
It felt so good.
It felt good when she hugged me tightly, when she played with the my hair under my beanie, when she rested her head on my shoulder, in the crook of my neck… and I knew that as long as I had Emma and Bella in my life, I'd be one lucky man.
Hopefully, she won't just be in Emma's life after my seven days.
Hopefully, she'll be in my life as well.
"The first thing I noticed about you… apart from being dangerously handsome," she giggled quietly, breaking our silence.
"And sexy," I reminded her. "Don't forget about that."
"And sexy," she chuckled quietly. "Alright… the second thing I noticed about you… was how you lit up as soon as Emma did something."
My breathing hitched.
"I saw it in the grocery store, even back then. It was so obvious. She's your sun, Edward."
She spoke so quietly that I barely heard her, but I still did, and I noticed the love in her voice. "It didn't take long until she became my little ray of sunshine, too."
I squeezed my eyes shut. Tightly.
Bella moved around then, hitching her leg on my other side, effectively straddling me, and we both relaxed against each others shoulders. Breathed each other in. Tightened the hold we had on the other.
God, I love you, baby.
"I love her more than anything in the world, Edward," she whispered.
Fuck.
I tried for one second, but I quickly realized that it wouldn't work. I would get emotional and that's that. There's no use in trying to hold it back. Not for Bella at least.
"I've been thinking about… all this…" She trailed off.
I stopped breathing.
I had six more days, didn't I? She promised me.
"And I realize that I understand you," she continued, and I think I started to breathe again. A little at least. "Emma's your world, and I know it's been hard for you… to let people in, and… though you shouldn't have made assumptions… I still understand why you acted the way you did."
I could breathe. Properly.
She understands?
"I know your intentions were good, and I know that Emma was on your mind every time you made a decision."
Fuck, she really gets me.
"And I believe you, Edward. I know you're serious about this… about us. I don't need six more days."
I stopped breathing again.
Where was she going with this?
"Edward," she whispered, and I shivered because her lips… were on my neck. Right below my ear. Hot breath. Soft, wet lips. "Do you love me?"
"Yes," I breathed, keeping my eyes closed. "So much it almost hurts."
Please.
I have no idea what I'm pleading for, but… please.
"You have no issues with my age?" she asked next, still kissing my skin. Nipping. Teasing.
"No," I told her, shaking my head for emphasis.
I love you.
My body was rigid.
"You want everything with me?"
Yes. Everything. All of it.
"Everything you'll give me," I murmured, shivering violently as she tightened her hold on me.
"Good, because I want it, too."
My eyes shot open.
"My blind fool," she murmured, cradling my face as she smiled… playfully. "You really don't see it, do you?"
See what? I don't know, but I-… maybe I know. Maybe my mind… my heart… is protecting me. Fuck, I'm just tired. Tired of being alone. Tired of wanting and needing but not having. Exhausted. I don't wanna be alone anymore. I don't think it's enough anymore. I want you. I need you. With me. With us. It's where you belong. With us. And I'll love you for the rest of my life. I'll show you.
I know my eyes said it all to her.
Please!
Do you…?
Feel the same?
"You really think Emma's the only one I fell in love with?"
Does that mean…?
Connect the fucking dots, Cullen!
"You love me?" I blurted out.
My eyes were wide. As hell.
"So much it almost hurts," she whispered, quoting me from before.
And I think… I'm gonna have to hear it. Over and over.
"Tell me you love me," she said softly, smiling-… or grinning. Even smirking a bit… It changed.
"I love you," I said.
She smirked. Really smirked. "I love you, too, Cullen."
"Again," I demanded.
"I love you."
"Again."
"I love you!" she laughed.
Fucking hell, she loves me.
Yeah, there's no keeping the grin off my face.
"I'm gonna need you to say it again," I told her.
She smacked me on the chest playfully, but complied. "I love you, Edward Anthony Cullen."
Fuck yes.
"I love you, too, Isabella Marie Swan," I replied, grinning like a fool. "Now fucking kiss me."
She did. She kissed me hard, and I kissed her back with everything I had.
Then my mind started spinning as our kiss deepened.
"You can't move," I mumbled against her lips, nibbling a bit on her bottom lip 'cause it's so fucking bitable. Luscious and pouty. And mine. Right? "Tell me you're staying with us," I pleaded.
Breaking our kiss, she rested her forehead against mine. "Is that what you want?"
"Without a doubt, sweetheart," I told her truthfully. "But what do you want? I'm not fucking this up again, and I'm bit off when it comes to reading women…" Yeah, she nodded in agreement. "…So, you have to tell me."
"Of course I wanna stay with you, Edward," she murmured, her eyes showing nothing but sincerity. That I could see. "I just don't want you to feel pressured-"
I cut the woman off here, cause she was being all loony and shit. "There's no way you can pressure me into anything, baby. Seriously. In this case I'm sure I'm the fucking woman, because there's not a single scenario in our future I haven't pictured already, I swear."
Devil woman smirked again.
"And what makes you think I haven't pictured it, too?"
I stared at her.
Is she for real?
Ask out loud instead, you idiot!
Right.
"You've pictured our future?" I asked, feeling my heart trying to pound its way out of my chest.
"I've pictured it all, sweetheart."
Okay.
Time to take my girl home.